talking to myself

updates last week

monday - meet up with weiliang at soup restaurant

tues- mj at home and supper at xinwang with davina and limei

wednesday - make nails with brianna, movie with sj n chris - monstor vs alien, timbre then mambo with juan ling ding josh kai boon

thurs- sj phone repair dinner and movie - state of play

fri- badminton with ling juan kai ding heng and watched terminator in cine.

saturday- met zhiyuan for sushi tei lunch and free facial at ny skins (thanks bro!) and supper with limei and davina at xinwang again!

sunday - went jb with vone, hao jie, hua jie and jon. ate kway tiao kia, wanton mee, prata and drank 5 buckets. them not me!

yesterday - went cwp with bro and dad soup restaurant lunch, cook dinner for mummy and went gym with josh at night.

okay super fun filled and packed. i love what is happening to me now.
i have alot of time for myself.
i think this will be the last time i am enjoying my life like now.
how many times will you be not working, not studying, single, young with alot of frens?
everyone is only young once. i feel much younger compared to 4 yrs ago.

i have never felt so free.
Now i donwan to be tied down to anything.
i think maybe i have been in a relationship for too long.
i am lost in it.
i realised i din have time to do what others have been doing. what others have been enjoying. i lost another side of life.
i was young back then but i wasnt behaving my age.
i didnt like to noe new ppl, i closed myself up, i din like to tok to new ppl, i have these close frens and i clinched and stick closely to them. i refused to be independent, i relied too much on ppl around me.
i hate changes. i hate to adapt.
thats why it dragged so long.
too long and painful for any of us to take.
it's all my fault.
my indecisiveness caused misery to both of us.

back then i did not want to club. partly becos i tot it is not for me, i tot i will not enjoy cos i did not even try.
Now i promise myself i wont let time slip by without doing anything.
i will club when i feel like clubbing cos i find it v fun now.
not becos i want to get myself drunk, becos i just want to have fun.
not becos i am very wild now or i am a different person.
i drink more now compared to the past, but i don drink to get drunk, i drink and be happy.

limei say it is a passing phase. i think so too. becos i have the zai nu blood running in me. i will go back to my old self after a while, the ger that always read storybooks, go for dance lesson, stay at home and cook for my family.

i will try all new things, whatever that is being thrown at me. (of cos not drug or prostituting k!)
i tried small news things like facial, manicure, go gym, hang out with new groups of frens to jb, mj with new frens.
and i wont stop here.
i will go day and night cycling with limei n frens, i want to stay over in cj house in msia for a few days. i wan to go somewhere cheap and fun out of spore for a short holiday.

and frens if you think that the change in me is too drastic, i'm sorry to have shocked u or even disappointed u.
i think i am so lost and trying to find myself back.
its never easy. learning how to stand on ur own after 4 yrs. easier for guys i think.
and those frens who have been through, i'm glad that you understand.
i am afraid that ppl judge me differently now.
but now i noe, i just have to account to god and myself.
i am different. but different does not necessary means bad.

so i am not gg to be pessimistic.
i am stronger than i tot i can be.
so i am gg to lead a better life.
on my own =)